The perfect day - for him & for her

The perfect day - For Her

08.15 : Wake up to hugs and kisses.

08.30 : Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday.

08.45 : Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.

09.15 : Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.

10.00 : Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer.

10.30 : Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.

12.00 : Lunch with best friend a fashionable outdoor cafe.

12.45 : Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notice she's gained 30lbs

13.00 : Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

15.00 : Nap.

16.00 : Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.

16.15 : Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.

17.30 : Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full-length mirror.

19.30 : Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.

22.00 : Hot shower (alone).

22.50 : Carried to bed..........(freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).

23.00 : Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

23.15: Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

The perfect day - For Him

06.00 : Alarm.

06.15 : Blow job.

06.30 : Massive satisfying dump while reading the sport section.

07.00 : Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler.

07.30 : Limo arrives.

07.45 : Flight in personal Lear Jet.

09.15 : Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).

09.45 : Play front nine - 2 under.

11.45 : Lunch - pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.

12.15 : Blow job.

12.30 : Play back nine (of golf course) - 4 under.

12.15 : Limo back to the airport (Several Bourbons).

12.30 : Fly to Cairns.

15.30 : Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.

16.30 : Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.

17.00 : Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over......naturally).

18.45 : Shit, Shower and Shave.

19.00 : Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and hard porn legalised.

19.30 : Dinner: lobster appetiser, Dom Perignon (1953) big juicy Fillet steak followed by ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.

21.00 : Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies.....some bending over).

23.00 : Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale & f--king.

23.45 : In bed alone.

01.50 : A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.

02.00 : Spend 10mins laughing before falling asleep.